I'm closing the door on the 'reasoning rooms' and I'm not going to investigate what might have caused a sudden flare. 'Soula, let's not go there. Don't enter that routine. Don't walk towards the dead end. Don't waste your time... again!' 'You've wasted years, Soula. Over a decade in fact thinking in rooms that provided no answers. They are mostly empty – blank walls, no windows, no air to breath!'
8am – 12noon tradies here ‘fixing’ heating/cooling unit (making noise, causing disruption and breaking much-needed silence). + Phone calls, all day (important, relating to mum’s future care plan). + Huge tree on [...]
I keep on learning about my sensitivities – it’s mind-boggling! Had someone told me I’d feel the difference between a smooth-surfaced road and a rough-surfaced road while travelling in a car I [...]
I’ve been waiting a while before writing about the current state of the world and its effect on me, my life and the chronic pain. I’ve been feeling quite confident with a [...]
That was my endnote for 2019. As life evolves within my 3km radius, I find myself looking back less and less and looking forward more and more. Bitter, defines the heartache of not being able to see loved ones as often and the missing perks of our previous city life. Sweet, is being defined by new friends, the gallery, our new home and the sea that surrounds us. As for confused, another year has passed and I still don't feel anyone can quite define what's going on with my body. Does it matter heading into a new year?
Being resourceful is what makes the difference — it is so hard working life out. But Theo and do it. We burrow down and we make it happen. There's no choice... or rather there was but I didn't want a fulltime WorkSafe paycheck. Of course, I think about that. And of course, I often call myself stupid for declining it – I was safe! I had that full-time paycheck for the rest of my life. But creativity and sharing the day with Theo is so precious to both of us. Even with the complexities and risks, it appears to be the only way Theo and I can live. For this, I am grateful! So I'll stop complaining now and go on with what I've been doing and what I am achieving. It's all good! I'm moving. Life is in forward motion after being so still for so long – a decade at least!
It will take one whole year until stim and I get to know each other. I've done this twice before, I know! There are programs to explore, capacity to pace, and sitting to try without the aids. I want to hop in a train and a tram, and hop off in the city without an agenda and limits. I want to catch up with my dearest friends, some whom I've not seen since I left Melbourne. We've been living off parcels, emails and the phone, and that really hurts.