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I’ve been waiting a while before writing about the current state of the world and its effect on me, my life and the chronic pain. I’ve been feeling quite confident with a kind of ‘meh’ attitude about the daily routine. [...]
My endless efforts to find a way to get back into regular yoga practice keep falling on their head. Pardon my pun... but I am hopeful FeetUp may help with that problem. Prior to living in the land of pelvic pain, I lived in the land of bliss practising yoga regularly – four times per week! For 45 minutes I was part dog, part warrior, a cat, a cow, even a pelican at times. I became a tree, saluted the sun and enjoyed many various poses. To end my routine, I'd slide up into shoulder stand (8 minutes), then send my toes passed my head in plough pose (for another 8 minutes) before unravelling to a corpse in Savasana pose. That was before I went for a walk!
Being resourceful is what makes the difference — it is so hard working life out. But Theo and do it. We burrow down and we make it happen. There's no choice... or rather there was but I didn't want a fulltime WorkSafe paycheck. Of course, I think about that. And of course, I often call myself stupid for declining it – I was safe! I had that full-time paycheck for the rest of my life. But creativity and sharing the day with Theo is so precious to both of us. Even with the complexities and risks, it appears to be the only way Theo and I can live. For this, I am grateful! So I'll stop complaining now and go on with what I've been doing and what I am achieving. It's all good! I'm moving. Life is in forward motion after being so still for so long – a decade at least!
It will take one whole year until stim and I get to know each other. I've done this twice before, I know! There are programs to explore, capacity to pace, and sitting to try without the aids. I want to hop in a train and a tram, and hop off in the city without an agenda and limits. I want to catch up with my dearest friends, some whom I've not seen since I left Melbourne. We've been living off parcels, emails and the phone, and that really hurts.
Where to next? (Part 2/3) I knew there was something seriously wrong with my sacral stim implant. By the time that information was confirmed, my mind had run off a few thousand questions. I’ll share a few: Question number 1: [...]
Then things got even more strange. There was heat, radiating heat where the IPG is, in my face and also other strange feelings that not only added to my pain issues but it made me turn my stim off, more than on! Weird.
As long as WorkSafe and their Agent keep treating me unfairly and refuse to support me in the way that I am entitled, I’m going to keep my reports coming! What have they done now? [...]
There was no rushing to catch transport! And the sounds of Venice are soothing and happy. In the morning we woke to the sounds of the local's footsteps and the sounds of them working along the canal. Local chatter in the street, dogs barking and of course, the church bells. Sounds impact a person with a chronic illness. My mind was at peace, it felt rested, all was calming and gentle.
I'll deem my efforts a success. I managed. I learned a bundle. I made something of the chronic pain experience. And I believe I provided some insight. I arrived at Yarra Valley Lodge on Thursday night and left Sunday early morning to manage the presentation, question time and a short attendance at the dinner on Saturday evening. So that's 3 nights' sleep (and one nap Saturday afternoon) to get the focus I needed, and so I could appear in a way that I felt reflected my most Soula self. The presentation (below) took weeeeeeeeks to put together! Something that would have taken me a few short days previously. That might sound like a sacrifice to many of you, but with this approach, my pain levels remained low (if not off), and on my return to Queenscliff, I could resume my part-time work and the week ahead as per normal. It worked; I'm pacing up! I do have a niggle, though. We're not learning fast enough. We're not listening hard enough. I left disappointed I hadn't achieved enough. My presentation I couldn't film during the conference for obvious reasons, but I have put together the graphic presentation with my voice over. WARNING: This presentation contains calls for a new approach to managing chronic pain. It calls for bundles of learning for both professionals and patients and sacrifice and 100% commitment. It's a little boring and most disheartening for those searching for a quick fix. In this presentation: 0:28 Outline 0:43 About Soula 0:58 The accident 1:44 Chronic pain treatment & investigations 2:19 The peripheral stimulation implant 2:36 Diagnosis 3:00 Quality of life — More treatment 3:27 Communicating Pain 3:50 What is our understanding of Pain? 4:50 Resources for pain — pudendalnerve.com.au — The Hurting Strings Documentary — My book Art & Chronic Pain 7:14 Changing our ways — New definitions and more!
Theo and I continue to establish our new life in Queenscliff and are enjoying the many wonderful new aspects of our new lifestyle. We're also learning to manage the sacrifices. It makes me feel I've turned a corner. Home Then Actually, a couple of weeks ago, I literally did turn a corner. After staying in Melbourne for a special family lunch, during the evening we also managed to catch up with old friends on our old pavement. I kind of felt a little emotional pang when I turned into the city end of Gertrude Street and saw the magnolias enjoying the Autumn evening light and the little drizzle that was beginning. Very steadily pacing my drinks, the night saw us hop around our old favorite spots. The life turn happened when I stepped out of the Everleigh and instead of turning right to head 'home', Theo and I turned left to head to a city hotel. We were going to sleep at this hotel, wake up in the morning and return to Queenscliff. Theo had to work... Sunday. I don't often have overwhelming emotional moments. I really deal with life's activities quite well. I mean, who would I think I was expecting a perfect life run, right? 'Suck it up!' But this was one of those overwhelming emotional moments and it was damn hard. I knew what it was. I knew that overdue moment since we left 'home' had finally caught up with me. I fully comprehended that we had said goodbye, and life had moved us on. I lapped up every step away from my previous home as the rain fell on/off and the concrete took in all the glittery, yellow, autumn Melbourne evening lights. I bid abiento to each magnolia as I walked up the street. I also lapped up the arms that were around me and the huge hug that Theo and I stopped to have to mark our moment. Home Now
