I remember friends, family, practitioners asking me how I was... "how am I?", I didn't know who I was let alone how I was!!!!!!!! I couldn't cross the street, had to turn spell check on my computer, couldn't speak from the piercing sound of my own voice bouncing in my own ears, couldn't go out, couldn't coordinate myself, I thought everyone who drove was going to kill themselves I was so disorientated all the time, and I couldn't choose between three apples if you asked me to! I slept like a dead person, had no energy, I took a huge dive into the deepest of caves. Actually to sum it up folks, I was depressed... yes, on the anti depressants. That was enough for me to see I didn't need that sort of medication. There had to be another way and I found it.
My creativity has been one of my main coping mechanisms through my chronic pain life. It's the place I go to feel free, release the steam, express my pain, and to get distracted to the point of pain! But it's worth it every time. There isn't a lot I can achieve with my capacity so one drawing, one painting over months, one post on my blog... anything, it's all worth it.
It felt like a miracle and took all of about 15 minutes for the phsyiotherapist (at the chronic pelvic pain clinic at the Women's here in Melbourne Australia) to give me her French infused explanation that my pain was most probably coming from my Pudendal Nerve (yes, a name, I had a name!). It took another 15mins for her to put me in on my back (I never lay on my back as it was too painful) and apply a pressure/postural technique that switched my pain off! (Yes, OFF... calm, silence, stillness, roar gone, no spasm, quiet, peace)... unbelievable but this is true.
The most supported I've felt is when I've come across a practitioner who listens and wants to work with me specifically. I mean really take note of what's going on and want to learn themselves too. Chronic pain is still [...]
A few months into my implant and I felt like I was human again... my senses were back and it was incredible!! That thick pain fog was lifted and I could taste, smell, see, concentrate, focus, remember, listen, think, plan, dream, enjoy, laugh, read, oh what bliss!!!!
In my case, the procedure was much less complicated as I didn't need the leads to go through the spinal canal but rather along my sacrum and coccyx. There is a trial period in which the unit sits outside and is 'plugged in' via the leads that, yes, are sticking half out/half in your body. Look I know that might sound gruesome to some but please... we're talking about chronic pain here... it was NOTHING. A cinch... it worked, it's in now and giving me great pain relief.