The Beast Matures – My 18th Anniversary

There are so many ways I can write about this 18th anniversary.

Will you entertain me while I think aloud this year?

I’m angry… that’s the first emotion that comes to mind every year, and the anger isn’t about chronic illness; it’s towards WorkSafe and their unjust system —calm your farm, Soula.

I must cool my jets, remain positive, rise above the cruelty of the worker’s compensation system, and acknowledge that the beast has not managed to defeat me—oh, well done, Soula (and I celebrate with buttery, vegemite toast this morning on bread freshly made by my lovely father-in-law).

The third thought is for you, dear followers.

It’s one of sensibility that keeps my mind in control, so I can encourage you: Soula, funnel all the emotions and experiences to a good place—a place of advocacy that might prevent others from living in your soft, insole shoes.

Yes, yes, let’s go with the third one.

Before I continue, how about a little positive snippet of my life?

Life, I’m the driver not you

Life has a way of moulding people, and I have made sure to remain aware of the impact – anniversaries are meant to be marked.

I have forced myself to control my emotions throughout life, so much so that sometimes I think I may have gone too far. It takes a lot to make me feel in an all-consuming manner.

Or is the inability to get overly emotional just a flatness from living 18 years of the constant, near-suffocating boundary of limitations?

I have to care less to survive as I can’t:

• Go to events easily or often – don’t worry, hit the studio
• Hop in the car and meet a friend for lunch – you can paint instead
• Hop on transport and head to Melbourne – stay and develop My Health Story; imagine the people you can help
• Take parents to appointments or whip up a meal for them – Theo will do it.
• Go shopping, buy heavy things—Theo will do it; you can put the heavy things away one by one afterwards
• Participate in anything outside my 1km radius – keep painting, Soula, you can have an exhibition.
• Sign up for a creative workshop—get Theo to help you print at home (you’ve got a press; remember it was delivered on this day 18 years ago).

There’s nothing like writing to clarify my thoughts – have you tried it?

The 18th-anniversary theme

One thought dominates the lead-up to the anniversary and the day every year. This year, it’s the sadness that my injury occurred when I was just 37.

I’ve been running since that day, fuelled with positivity and the decision that ‘I will be me again,’ hardly ever stopping to think about what life would be like if that ball never burst.

As a foot-loose and child-free adult, I can imagine a lot of good living there.

Soula, you’ll be okay. Your life is still so very blessed.

That’s true, but that’s a consolation.

Travel is the first thing that comes to mind, and working abroad? Oh, I have had that dream ever since I can remember.

There’s another way I’ve consciously forced myself to be, and that’s funny.

Keeping my sense of humour comes in handy after the what-if question. I can wholeheartedly answer myself: Soula, you could have been hit by a bus.

And it’s true.

You can’t ever ask what-if? Because things can always be worse.

They could have been better too, but also worse, yes even worse than 18 years of living with chronic pain monster in my life.

There’s another consolation thought.

You are lucky to have consolation thoughts, Soula.

What a tangled mess my brain is.

Let’s mark the occasion, then shall we?

And I will do this with my achievements – not my limitations- as usual..

In 2025, I:

• Presented My Health Story at the Digital Health Festival
• Had an exhibition of my work at Queenscliff Gallery
• Managed my part in keeping our small business operational
• Celebrated my 27th wedding anniversary with Theo and three decades together
• Extended my walk in the morning to (sort of) regularly include steps in that routine
• Had another Italian holiday (well, this is work as well)
• Presented My Health Story at the Geelong Health Festival
• Danced (this, my dear friends, was glorious even if it affected me later!).

None of these fantastic events would have been possible without Theo (obviously the anniversary).

Having someone like Theo by my side through an experience like mine (well, ours because that’s the reality of the situation) is the only reason the above is possible.

And so, to turning 18…

There isn’t much more to say.

Addressing the anniversary this year will put my mind at ease, and I hope that, in the process, I have encouraged you in some way.

It takes enormous sacrifice and is a painful, ongoing task in itself to manage the demands of chronic illness, but I know now it can be manageable, and I can still achieve and live great times.

Each year, I am hesitant to mark the anniversary, but the milestones and achievements are a lift and positive for my battling brain.

Taking control of my situation has been at the core of my management – I take control of any part I can, which for me means coordinating my health journey, talking to myself, writing with myself and making sure that since I have to spend a lot of time with myself, it will be enjoyable.

That WorkSafe continues to escape liability, and myself and other injured workers will never receive justice, will remain the most significant trauma of this life experience. I despise that they have not owned up to their injustices like so many other groups/bodies/organisations are now doing.

But my win is that I’ve learned that the beast that lives beside me is malleable. Despite my what-if thoughts, this next year is going to be great.

Now, shut up, Soula!