Yippee!! Not! It’s too hard.

I was dreading Christmas – like I usually do. And I’m dreading New Year’s eve and day – as I usually do. And even though I would regard myself as ‘experienced’ and loaded with the best treatment possible, there seems to be no way of avoiding pain during holiday time.

Suck it up!? Um…,

No!

And that word my dear readers, is how I manage this holiday time.

I’ve learned it so well now it just rrrrrrrolls off my tongue and I loooove it because it’s always there for me and it keeps me HAAAAAPPY.

Here it is again:

Noooooooo

And with that comes,

I’m sorry, I can’t do ‘that’

With the truth being, I definitely can do ‘that’ but I have chosen (well sort of voluntarily obviously as I didn’t plan this bizarre accident) not to, because I don’t want the pain levels during – and after – I do the ‘that’.

There.

But of course it isn’t so easy. There are a few sad bits that come with ‘no’.

Because I choose to say ‘no’, I don’t see any of my family and I probably won’t see most of them for a while. Nor have I seen them in a while – that’s hard.

During holiday time, I’m also:

  • mind managing a workers compensation battle,
  • mind managing a new unrecognisable life,
  • mind managing a new business,
  • doing my minimal bit to help Theo who’s managing this new business 7 days a week during the holiday season,
  • trying to distract chronic pain levels,
  • keeping to a restricted capacity,
  • aiming to make the day somewhat creative and enjoyable,
  • keeping a smile on my face.

And still… with all the above, I keep hearing this all the time:

‘You guys are living the dream’

…

There’s an extra line purposely above this one to demonstrate how little I could find in response to that ‘compliment’.

I do have one immediate thought and that’s;

Ignorance truly is bliss

But, what do I expect from people? They can’t understand what it means to be living with a chronic illness. My cushion seems invisible as is my stim controller, but I’m actually happy that people don’t get it. And people can’t know I’m having a hard time because I only ever show people my best (did you see the feature pic? I was three weeks post op).

Sadly, no one wants to see your miserable bits? Remember, I’m in a new town and Theo and I are not their people yet!

(Wrap it up – end on a happy note)

I am happy, mostly. It’s hard work and you all know it. Happiness takes a lot of commitment (the hard bit) and sacrifice (the sad bit). But that’s the only way I’ve found to get to the happy bit (the bit that makes me look like I’m living the dream).

‘No’ comes with sacrifice, and it also has a few extremely heated moments too. But, I actually got to the beach in the morning with Theo this holiday time, we had lunch with his parents (his mum has just been moved to an aged care facility near us), and we also dropped in to some new, locals (friends!) who were hosting lunch.

I did have an hour where I thought, I’ll never go out again. But, I managed, and I recovered. In fact, I actually recovered so well that in the evening I managed a walk. And… when I got up the next day, it was like a low-level-pain day.

To the word ‘No’ – I love you!

To you all, I hope you manage holiday time as best you can. I know it’s hard and I know it takes sacrifice but I hope that you find happiness among it.

Obviously, what I want most of all, is for the new year to bring us all the treatment we’re waiting for.